she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
