chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
