no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
