Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
