I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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