How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
