the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
