I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
