Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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