your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
