I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
