Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
