I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
