Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize