True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize