On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
