Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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