My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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