I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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