I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
