I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
