Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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