I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
