Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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