So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
