I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
