When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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