I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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