You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
