I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
