hotel room ftw
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
