Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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