I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize