Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
