Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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