I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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