Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
