I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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