I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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