He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need to calm my uterus...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
