Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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