Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
