im drinking this country out of the recession.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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