yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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