I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
