so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
