Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
