There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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