Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
