Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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