Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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