She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Never joke about your clitoris.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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