Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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