At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
