they need to just BURY HIM!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
