My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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