My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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