On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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