operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
