Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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