Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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