Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
