Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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