"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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