I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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