Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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