tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
