WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
