so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You need Xanax blowdarts
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize