I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
