i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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