I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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