so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
