I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
